He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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