So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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