I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My balls are so social today.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
