Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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