Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
