Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
