I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
