Where did you get a picture of my penis
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
