grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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