i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
