M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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