He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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