hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
