Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
