how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
