and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
