Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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