New invention idea: vibrating tampons
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
