I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
