We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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