I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
