literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
