Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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