I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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