I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
