xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
