Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
