this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
