I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
