I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
