had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
