you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
