Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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