If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So gin and wine won't be happening again
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
