Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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