Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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