I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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