smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
