my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
