Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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