remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
And then he peed in my hair
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