I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
