Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
