We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
