So drunk its hurt
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
