i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
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