He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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