I could have mohawked her pubes.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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