The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
