But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
