Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
