just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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